Let’s face it—there are days when you just don’t feel like working. But you can’t let your boss or coworkers catch on, right? That’s where mastering the art of looking busy comes in. If you want to ace the game of “fake productivity,” this tongue-in-cheek guide is just what you need.
So, buckle up as we take a funny look at foolproof ways to appear like the busiest employee in the office without breaking a sweat.
Step 1: Always Carry Your Laptop Like It’s Your Lifeline
Your laptop is more than just a work tool—it’s your prop, your shield, your sidekick in the battle of looking busy. Walk around the office with it under your arm or in your hands, even if it’s turned off.
Need to up the ante? Open it occasionally and frown at the screen as if you’re solving a world crisis. Bonus points if you throw in a couple of audible sighs and mutter things like, “These deadlines are impossible!”
Step 2: Walk Fast Like You’re on a Mission
Nothing screams “important employee” like speed-walking through the office. Stroll purposefully from one end of the room to the other, even if you have no destination.
Pro tip: Carry some papers (random ones work fine) and shuffle them occasionally. If someone stops you, give a curt “Can’t talk now!” and keep moving. Confidence is key here—act like you’re saving the company one step at a time.
Step 3: Count Your Fingers (Yes, Really)
If walking around feels like too much effort, try this desk trick: count your fingers. Sit at your desk, look intently at your hands, and start counting your fingers one by one.
Why does this work? Because it’s weird enough that no one will dare ask what you’re doing. For added effect, furrow your brow and shake your head occasionally, as if you’re calculating something incredibly complex.
Step 4: Walk Even Faster (For No Apparent Reason)
If fast walking makes you look busy, sprinting makes you look indispensable. Power-walk through the hallways like your life depends on it. People might even assume you’re heading to an important meeting or dealing with an urgent situation.
Got nothing in hand? Grab a random folder or your water bottle. It doesn’t matter. The faster you move, the less likely people are to question you.
Step 5: Always Be on the Phone
The ultimate trick in the book—pretend you’re on an important call. Hold your phone to your ear and nod occasionally while saying vague things like:
- “Yeah, I’ll circle back on that.”
- “Can we escalate this issue?”
- “Let’s table this for now.”
Feel free to mix in a few “Uh-huhs” and “Let me check with my team” for good measure. Remember, the more jargon you use, the busier you’ll sound.
Pro Tips for Advanced Faking
If you’ve mastered the steps above and want to take things to the next level, try these advanced techniques:
- The Double Screen Hustle: Open two monitors at your desk and keep switching between them. Bonus points if one screen has a spreadsheet open (even if it’s blank).
- The Overloaded Calendar Trick: Share your screen “by accident” during a meeting, showing a calendar filled with fake back-to-back meetings.
- The Coffee Mug Sprint: Walk around holding a coffee mug like it’s the source of your power. Spill some coffee on your shirt for added drama—it shows just how hard you’ve been working.
Why This Works
The beauty of these tricks is that people equate movement and noise with productivity. As long as you’re doing something (or looking like you are), no one will suspect that you’ve actually spent the day perfecting your Solitaire skills.
Final Thoughts
Looking busy in the office is an art, and like any skill, it takes practice. With these steps, you’ll soon become the Picasso of fake productivity. Just remember to throw in some real work occasionally to keep your cover intact.
So, go forth and fake it like a pro—but don’t blame us if your boss actually gives you more work! 😉